In the future we'll all be gay
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
