he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
