can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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