I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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