Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
