It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
