Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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