he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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