It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
