Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
