So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
