We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
