so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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