He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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