One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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