Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
