i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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