Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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