I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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