I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
