we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
