this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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