I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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