hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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