Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
