Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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