I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
