Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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