How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
