There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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