Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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