community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
