dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
