is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
