i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
