So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
