I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I got inside last night via doggy door
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
