I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
organizing the empties. That sober.
this will be a night to untag.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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