she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She even gives head with a lisp.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
