Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
