Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
