Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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