drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
