the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
