you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
