After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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