Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
