I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
