Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
