Buhtt sex?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
