At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
