I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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