Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
