She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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