i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
