the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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