I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
