From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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